Christmas at Cafe Hopcott - join in the party and Merry Christmas to all ... Ho ... Ho!

Er, is there anybody there? Hello ... Hello!

Oh, good! I thought you were all asleep and not paying attention, for a minute. I should have known that devotees of the legendary service provided at Cafe Hopcott would have no trouble in feigning sleep (even snoring) while being constantly alert to any Public Announcements of importance like 'Free beer' or 'Drinks are on Hoppy'.

Well, now I've got your attention, here is the public announcement.

Er, (cough) (cough). Er, no that wasn't the Public Announcement and I don't have a cold ... Control yourself Hoppy!

Ditzy, I distinctly saw you looking a bit slug-like for a moment there. You know that I've spent all of 30 seconds cleaning up Cafe Hopcott after your last enthusiastic slime love-in before you changed into a rather attractive flower, which everybody seemed to prefer, even the postman who had refused to deliver bills and threatening letters to Cafe Hopcott for fear of being slimed. So, Ditzy, by popular acclaim, please concentrate on thinking flowery thoughts rather than sluggy ones.

What, Ditzy? Dacky, the Feral Dachshund, keeps watering you? ... Well, good, that saves me a job. Think of the lovely nutrients.

What is it now, Ditzy? What, Dacky has been smoking some of Hoppy's Merry Christmas Herbal Tea and you are beginning to feel all woozy? Well, lucky you. I've not even had a chance to get a cup of tea yet, because of this important Cafe Hopcott Public Service Announcement you keep interrupting.

Ouch, Dacky, why did you do that?

What? Because you love me? Dacky, you are not supposed to bite people you love.

Blech, blech ... Dacky, licking is better than biting ... But sticking your tongue down my throat is reserved for those with whom I have a passionate relationship ... Er, no Hoppy, not Madame Hopcott ... I was thinking more about that cub reporter from the Spellthorpwood Clarion ...

No, Wandering Minstrel, I don't want you to sing a soulful folk song as an introduction to this major and extremely important Cafe Hopcott Public Announcement ...

What? Please stop sniveling ... Yes, I think you sing marvelously ... It's just everybody starts crying when you sing - usually as soon as you stand up.

Yes, OK, you can do a 'ping' to announce my Public Announcement. Yes, a soulful 'ping' is OK ... No, not several, just one!

What? You want to play your guitar too? Absolutely not ...

Yes, I'm being firm ... Somebody has to be. You know that your guitar has been banned from Cafe Hopcott ever since you fitted the ghetto blaster amplification system, frightened a herd of deer on the moors that galloped through the village destroying the W.I. tea party and they sent a delegation to sort me out! I still bear the emotional scars. I think they were the ones who trained Madame Hopcott to be .... er ... well, Madame Hopcott ... And you know what trouble that has caused!

Now, are we all here before I make this very important Public Announcement?

Let me see, there is Dacky the Feral Dachshund, Ducky the three headed Dolly Dachshund, Hoppy is with us - just about. Ditzy has gone back to looking like a nice flower on the window ledge.

Where is Q? Has anybody seen Q? What? He's founded a Summer Camp for walking on water? Very popular with Civil Servants at the moment? I'm not surprised!

Well, look, if everybody concentrates very hard and thinks of Q, perhaps he will appear!

Now, concentrate ... Dacky, leave Ducky alone ... That's inappropriate behaviour ... You know that the West Cities Rural Youth Orchestra is arriving soon and everything in this cafe must be strictly P.G.

What? No, Wandering Minstrel, they are not going to do the 'ping' to announce this announcement - that is reserved for you! What? You think you should be paid? Do you think I'm being paid? Our customers save people's lives you know ... The firemen, with their shiny helmets dash into blazing buildings when they are not enjoying the Cafe Hopcott newly renovated champagne jacuzzi.

Now, has anybody seen Q?

What? He's behind me? Oh no he isn't ...

Ouch ... Ooh, I've just had my ears syringed and that bell is loud.

Hello, Q!

Look everybody, it's Q dressed as Father Christmas! He's come to join us at our Cafe Hopcott Christmas party. And, look, he's got lots of presents for everybody.

How wonderful now we are all here again.

Let's all sing 'we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas ...

What, Wandering Minstrel, we've done the Public Announcement and you haven't done your 'ping'...

What is it, Ducky? Dacky says I've not mentioned lots of people from Cafe Hopcott and they'll be upset.

But, can't you see, Dacky and Ducky, they are all there on the side of the hill waving to us - including the MI5 officers still disguised as goats.

It's good to be back again - at least for one special day :-)

Bye for now

Rob

Rob Hopcott - online author and proprietor of the online cooperative loosely termed Cafe Hopkiss, Cafe Hopsnot, Cafe Hopbosh, those Nuisances On The Hill ...

Editors note:

This Christmas short story, short Christmas story or humorous sketch, about the Cafe Hopcott Christmas Party, is one of Rob Hopcott's Christmas short stories for Christmas 2008 and is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this short humorous story, flash fiction, sudden fiction, postcard fiction, blemish on the space time continuum, except Nursee and Cookee - who aren't actually mentioned anyway - are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise in the real world or any other Rift in Space or Time.

Sue me and I'll send my attack slug around ... Ever been slimed? Haha! You'll get yours! I'll send Madame Hopcott around - now you're scared!

What about Cheffee and Nursee ... Well, they are coming down across the grass singing 'The Hills are alive to the sounds of music'.

And now Wandering Minstrel is complaining that they haven't been included in the terms of Cafe Hopcott Music Licence...

It's just all too much ...

I can't stand it!

I'm coming Cheffee ... I'm coming Nursee ...

'The Hills are astride the Clowns of Music ... I'm singing ... Can't you hear me ...

Is there anybody there?

Hellooooooooooo!

Merrrrrrryyyyyyyy Christmasssssssssss!

Ditzy the four foot attack slug's demise

Well hello! It's me, Rob, back despite common demand - to bring all the lovers of Cafe Hopcott up to date with events at the only place in this universe which is truly sane - Cafe Hopcott.

First of all, I must start off with an apology to all those who took a dislike to Ditzy the four foot attack slug.

Comments like 'Icky', Blechk and even stronger sadly have been plentiful.

New health warnings have been plastered by public officials on Cafe Hopcott walls, which made a nice change from the old ones, but which sadly offended my dear cuddly Ditzy.

All manner of dire threats were made on Ditzy's life and Ditzy's dear little children as they played in the sewers and streams that had become their home (aka Cafe Hopcott).

After dark, a new folk music tradition was born which recounted in 425 verses the sad end of numerous offspring who died terrible deaths at the hands of dissatisfied Cafe Hopcott visitors.

It all had to come to an end one day. The day of atonement was yesterday when I, Rob, your misbegotten host turned up for my customary afternoons nap in the Hopcott Cafe Hammock only to find Ditzy gone ... Disappeared ... Departed ... No more...

Of course, yours truly was completely distraught, because Ditzy the four foot attack slug and his thousands of offspring had become like friends to me, but there was one saving grace which can be seen top right on this blog post.

Yes, Ditzy had shape shifted into a small vase of flowers and is now sulking on the window sill.

By way of goodbye, there was a note slimed on the side of Cafe Hopcott that Ditzy had sent all his little ones to Slime Summer Camp in parallel slug dimension and would only reconvert to a beautiful attack slug if everybody at Cafe Hopcott left really nice comments to say how much they missed him.

So, this is our big chance to say to Ditzy how much we love his slime, his foul smell and his propensity for producing offspring several times a day.

I know you all miss him.

So leave your comments below.

You never know, he might shape shift back to his old lovable self :-)

Bye for now

Rob

P.S. Er, what? You also want to know about the other inhabitants of Cafe Hopcott? Ah well, that will have to be another day. I have to refill Ditzy's vase with some cool water fortified with some nice plant nutrients. So important to get our priorities right.

P.P.S. Er, if you are waiting for me to yell Nursee and Cheffee ... Well I'm very grown up these days ... And am even thinking about not sucking my big toe ... And I definitely don't need Cheffee anymore ... Which is a good thing because she's gone off and left me for somebody strange in Brizzell ... And I don't care ... Sniff! ... Coz I've still got my friend Ditzy ... The attack slug ... What? Ditzy has turned into a bunch of flowers ... Oh yeh! I forgot ...

Sniff!

Sniff!

Er, Nursee ... Cheffee ....

Dacky the Feral Dachshund in love triangle - Rob's gossip about the latest strange, weird and humorous events at Cafe Hopcott

Well hello folks, it's me, Rob, back again :-)

You may have heard that I'd gone off with Lips Laura and Squeeze Box Sarah. Well! I must say that the story was a malicious rumour put about by Hip-hop and there's no truth in it.

Let it be known, in all honesty, I've never ever even heard of anybody called Lips Laura and Squeeze Box Sarah and, even if I did, Lips Laura and Squeeze Box Sarah were last seen disappearing in the direction of Tiverton hand-in-hand with a Young Farmer who said he had a huge spread at home to show them.

Well, it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good and, with so much happening since we last chatted at Cafe Hopcott, my first job must be to bring everybody up to date with the latest gossip.

You might ask where is the legendary - and lovable - Hip-hop Hopcott?

Well that is my first exciting news. It seems that the Madame Hopcott has taken a shine to him, and he didn't dare to say no, so, as I speak, they are back at Hopcott Manor changing the locks to keep me out. Imagine losing Madame Hopcott and Hip-hop in one fell swoop? Surely too much good news to cope with all at once!

Of course, sleeping under one of the tables at Cafe Hopcott (the third from the left as you go in) may be questionable in terms of comfort but, hey, let's look at the positives. No more screaming to damage my ears, no more being told I'm useless. (Tell me something I don't know - I mean, I'm creative.)

As for Hip-hop Hopcott, its probably just as well he's gone. I was getting worried that the G-men who police the spelling check results were beginning to take an interest in Cafe Hopcott and my search engine rankings were allegedly under threat (risen recently to third from bottom out of 1,000,000, not bad eh!)

Anyway, I must get down to the latest hot gossip which is about Dacky, who is now allegedly in a love triangle with Ducky the Dolly Dachshund. Yes, I know it's a bit of a mouthful but, let's face it, the characters at Cafe Hopcott have their own minds and I can't tell them what to do.

If their relationship lasts and they plight their troths (assuming Dacky can find a church where he hasn't been nicking bones), the Minister might have quite a problem intoning that mouthful.

"Do you Dacky the Feral Dachshund take Ducky the Dolly Dachshund to be your lawful wedded bitch?"

Added to that, there is a problem that Ducky the Dolly Dachshund has three heads - all on extendable necks - which could cause a sensation in the pews.

Apparently, one of the things that impresses Dacky about Ducky is that Ducky can look around both sides of a tree at the same time whilst also sniffing the nether regions of a passing alsation dog. How do I know? Well, apparently, one of Ducky's three heads is great at translating all sorts of languages into all sorts of others. So we don't need to put up with 'woof' or 'yap' any more, we can actually find out what Dacky is saying! Could it get better?

How did Ducky the Dolly Dachshund and Dacky the Feral Dachshund get together? Well, Dacky was excavating in the Rift in Space and Time and bumped into Ducky the Dolly Dachshund whilst trying to drag Ditzy the Giant Slug back into our time. Ducky the Dolly Dachshund advised Dacky the Feral Dachshund that Ditzy the Giant Slug was, in fact, only asleep and anyway didn't contain any bones. Dacky, in a flash, fell in love and the rest is history. Ducky the Dolly Dachshund agreed to return with Dacky the Feral Dachshund to Cafe Hopcott to be Dacky's companion on a trial relationship basis. For some strange reason (that I cannot fathom out) Ditzy the Giant Slug, who it appears is very lazy, decided to come along too - probably because it was nearer.

However, this has made Hoppy very happy because he has discovered that if he drys the slime that Ditzy the Giant Slug leaves everywhere he goes, and then smokes it, he becomes an even happier Hoppy.

Q is impressed because Ducky the Dolly Dachshund can swim underwater while Q can only walk on it.

Apparently, Ducky demonstrated her prowess by swimming out to the media boat that is anchored offshore and peered over the gunwale on all three sides of the boat at the same time.

The ensuing screams from the press men and women would have wakened the dead and the media rowing boat is now blessedly completely deserted.

However, there is now a rather foul smell arising from stuff on the bottom of the boat. Dacky suggested disdainfully that they should have put it in plastic bags like responsible people but whoever said the media were ever responsible.

Apparently, the old hack reporter from the Weekly Moon had enjoyed a Vindaloo Curry the night before and, when he lit a cigarette to steady his nerves after everybody had stopped screaming, he took off like a rocket and was last seen interviewing the pilot of an American Stealth Bomber over Paris.

All of which seems to have attracted the interest of the MI5 officers on the hill disguised as goats who were observed, by Hoppy, to be talking urgently into their hooves.

Hoppy is now wearing a codpiece obtained from the local Fancy Dress Shop. Apparently, he has observed Ducky's extendable necks and is worried Dacky might get one too and stop just biting ankles.

Dacky is now feeling so mellow and philosophical about life that he's thinking of publishing a book entitled "Thoughts of Chairman Dacky" - it's based on the thoughts of Chairman Mao of yesteryear. I do hope Dacky is not getting over-confident now he's settling down and planning world domination.

Apparently, an initial chapter of the "Thoughts of Chairman Dacky" (as translated by Ducky) include the following gems:

"Before embarking on a car chase, first ascertain - it is not coming towards you!"

"Before raising your leg in honour of a car wheel, first ascertain - it is not turning!"

No doubt it'll be a best-seller and I can retire to Cafe Hopcott and live to be a ripe old fart, cossetted by those cute and lovely ladies nursee and cheffee.

Well, that's probably enough of me rambling on for now so I'd better close. I don't think there is anything else to report.

Oh, yes. You may be asking why the title of this report says 'Dacky the Feral Dachshund in love triangle'?

Well obviously ... Ducky's got three heads, hasn't she? ... Need I say more?

Um, three heads ... That's three heads more to feed ... Aaaaargh! Can I afford it? .... Things are going downhill ... I'll be bankrupt!

Nurseeeeeee ... Cheffffeeeeeee! ... Heeeeelp!

Bye for now

Rob

P.S. All comments on how to deal with love triangles welcomed ..."

Editors Note: All characters and places in this short gossipy humorous story, except Nursee and Cookee, are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise in the real world or any Rift in Space or Time.

This short humorous sketch, about love triangles, a three headed dachshund called Ducky and a one headed dachshund called Dacky at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

Steal it and I'll send my friendly four foot high slug around to slime you!

What? You've got slug killer? How cruuuuuelllllllll!

Nursee ... Cookeeee!

Hip-hop Hopcott weird mon hollas!

'olla!

Ah sez, 'OLLA!

Dis ees de noo mayin man 'ere - 'ip-'op 'opcott. Dat right up geezer Rob said foh I's to mosy 'ere an' spen' time in de frenliest dosser comin' dahn dis year, whazzit called - yeah, Cafe 'opcott. Deffo, 'e bigged it up!

Well, 'e'd deese b**ches rappin all aroun' 'm. One of dem 'Lips Laura' wuz a wind musician and de ozzer 'Squeezy Sandra' was an accordion player.

Ah said 'Respect mon - youse got de lips an' de squeezes - youse got de worl'.'

Well, dere was nuffink rappin at de festival of Folkies fow dis mon, deffo, so ah t'ought 'What de sh*t, I's gonna gis Cafe 'opcott a try'.

Dat mayin man Rob said it wuz right on 'ere! 'e said dere wuz nursee to do me massage, gin jacuzzi, mermaids, smokes fr'm de 'erb garden an' de best cheffeee in de Disunited Kingdom. Deffo, dat rocked mah block! Ah mean respect!

But, mon, de peeps 'ere is weird - ah mean mon WEIRD!

Dis b**ch Madame 'opcott, she keeps on de yellin' an' t'rowin' at me. It fair does me 'ead in.

Den dere is dis weird sausage dog - wazzit called - 'Dacky'. Mon 'e's mean. Mah leg never got bit as much sin' ah wuz in de slammer wiv dem roaches.

Den dere eez dis weird dude callin' 'isself 'oppy. 'es got dis 'erb garden an de stuff - even growin' aht of 'is EARS!

Den dere iz de bells ringin' by dat mon Quasi. Rappin wiv Quasi - no way - jus' sez 'Grooooh'. Ah mean ... Innit ... no jazz rhymes wiv grooooh!

Den dere is de Wandering Minstrel - Ah mean, t'ought I'd lost de wailin' folk at de Ring o' Bells. Mon de wailing! Send 'im ta Guantanamo Bay, fow de torture, an' dem terrorists confess ta anyfing, innit!

An dis gin jacuzzi - ah mean - tree 'unred firemen all wiv dere 'elmets wavin' abaht - dats serious bad stuff!

Dere's even a Viking runnin' abaht and filth dressed up as goats ...

Deffo gonna rest mah chops 'ere wiv me bling jus rappin' - solo!

Cafe 'opcott iz weird
Gives me de beard
Dacky me's afeared
Minstrel sez 'e iz teared

Quasi sez jus' 'Groooo'
Dacky sez jus' growl
'oppy sez 'Drinks are on you dude!'

Ah jest sez 'Lemmeee Ahhhhttttttt!'

Blogs as Bio-fuel - Cafe Hopcott think tank initiative

At a recent think-tank meeting, staff at Cafe Hopcott have come up with an innovative and creative solution to providing unlimited supplies of low cost bio-fuel for the world economy by proposing that blogs or web logs, being a variation of logs, should be burned to generate power.

Ideally fueling steam trains, trams or traction engines, blogs are the ultimate green solution to transport emissions.

As an alternative to nuclear power, they are preferable because there is no need for large amounts of research and development as steam technology is tried and tested and proven to work.

Cafe Hopcott has a long track record of innovative ideas including the recent 'emetics to energy initiative' designed to power the gin jacuzzi, some nice little fairy lights and the electrified hurdle that Dacky the Dachshund uses to practise the low jump for the 2012 Alternative Laughter Olympics.

Even unemployment will go down as the millions of struggling-in-a-garret writers are taken out of unemployment and employed on the minimum wage to produce unlimited supplies of quirky and angst ridden fuel efficient blogs.

Ultra modest proprietor of Cafe Hopcott, Rob, said proudly:

"The resident geniuses at Cafe Hopcott have done it again. It will solve the world's fuel crisis in one stroke. It is a very viral idea and will spread out of control across the Internet so we are issuing it 'open source' with no view to profit."

Madame Hopcott, wife to Rob, said:

"What? You are giving away your latest idea? Why don't you try earning some money for a change? YOU WASTER!"

Dacky the feral dachshund said:

"Woof! Grrrr!"

Rob said:

"Outch ... get off Dacky!"

Hoppy, the handsome and well known happy go lucky about town Cafe Hopcott bar fly said:

"Burn baby burn ... It's cool dude! Let's parteeee!"

Quasi, with his new friend Higgs Boson, recently discovered in the Rift in Time located just by Hoppy's herb garden and who is currently using Cafe Hopcott to hide from and tease his friends at CERN, said:

"Groooooh ...."

Higgs Boson was unavailable to comment.

Picture above is of a steam train waiting to be loaded up with biofuel logs otherwise called blogs.

All praise and comments welcomed :-)

Rob

Laughter Olympics bid 2012 - Cafe Hopcott Humor Think Tank Reveals Plans

At a Strategic Partners think tank meeting aimed at the regeneration of the UK West Country economy a dedicated team of Cafe Hopcott staff met to consider options for a bid to the South West Regional Development Authority for a grant to set up the Laughter Olympics as a parallel endeavour to the official olympics in 20012.

Ideas for laughter included:

• Find the lost bone whilst avoiding the church warden - a written suggestion received from Dacky the feral dachshund.
• Pike throwing at visiting Really Healthy Places Inspectors - suggested by Viking Warrior - other members of the meeting too scared to add anything because Viking Warrior looked really fierce.
• Low Jump for dachshunds - suggested by Dacky the dachshund - proposal modified by addition of electrified pole - suggested by Hoppy.
• Songs that make you want to weep - audience tears collected to identify the winner - suggested by resident folk singer Wandering Minstrel.
• Additional ideas for Laughter Olympics song included 'All you need is Blood' by Viking Warrior and 'I lost my Bone in San Francisco' by anonymous(?)
• Longest folk song competition before a ton of goat droppings is deposited from above - Wandering Minstrel's idea - with goat droppings addition by Hoppy.

Photograph is of a goat priming himself ready to do his duty on the hill above Cafe Hopcott - or a secret service agent in disguise operating under deep cover.

But sooooo sweet, eh?

Bye for now

Rob

Editors Note: All characters and places in this short pathetically laughable attempt at humor are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise or even expected to be living at some time in the future or in another dimension or across the Rift in Time by Hoppy's herbal garden.

Furthermore, nevertheless and in the first instant, this short allegedly humorous sketch, about godforsaken think tank ideas for Cafe Hopcott's Olympics bid, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved. (Beware, don't steal it! I'll send Viking Warrior around - wearing his blouse!)

Er, what do you mean?

Parden?

What?

This drivel is not worth stealing?

Do you know who you are talking to?

What, you do?

I've got multiple personalities you know!

And they'll all be around later to accept a retraction! There! Now you're worried! Hah!

What?

You're not ... Oh!

Well could you perhaps leave a comment? Er, please ... Please ... Pretty ...

(sigh)

It's so difficult raising a laugh these days ...

Perhaps I should turn to romance ...

Now, where's that female MI5 officer I spotted?

She was a real cracker with lovely hair and a nice soft voice ...

Now what did she say? Oh yes, 'baaa'! I wonder if that was her telephone number?

(Of course there's always more humor over at humor-blogs.com.)

UK Gone West Country News - emetics to electricity - Cafe Hopcott discovers herbal electricity perpetual motion

West Country, UK News from Spellthorpwood Clarion cub reporter of emetics to electricity breakthrough as boffins at Cafe Hopcott claim delight with perpetual motion innovation with organic and herbal ingredients used to generate electricity.

Cafe Hopcott, the popular West Country destination of choice for intellectuals, hippies and ne'er do wells, renowned for its gin jacuzzi and coffee cake designed to loosen chest infections, claims to have made a startling new breakthrough by discovering laughter induced perpetual motion.

Legendary sot Hoppy and the right-hand man to eccentric local author and Cafe Hopcott entrepreneur Rob Hopcott said:

"I have always believed in my herb garden and it has always come up trumps. When I discovered this plant that immediately made people laugh and everything in life look wonderful, I decided to test it to the limit and in the process found the answer to the Cafe Hopcott electricity supply problem. Not a minute too soon, either, because Dacky the feral dachshund was getting tired on the treadmill and when Dacky's in a bad mood everybody gets bitten so something had to be done."

"However, realizing my dream was only possible with the close collaboration of a tightly knit focus group consisting of Chefee, Nursee and 45 on duty firemen who kindly agreed to leave the gin jacuzzi for a few minutes 'for a laugh'."

"In a scientifically valid blind experiment, we gave the blindfolded firemen my carefully prepared genetically un-engineered herb cooked in some carrot cake which instantly made them very happy and so cheerful they were splitting their sides laughing.

Minutes later, still blindfolded, they all dashed behind the bushes on the side of the hill, emerging some time moments still chuckling, looking happy and demanding more carrot cake according to Union rules before they returned to the jacuzzi.

So far the experience was a great success.

A carefully constructed runaway system collected the emetically processed carrot cake mix which was then fed into the diesel engine of an old broken down diesel camper van and the electricity was taken from the alternator in the camper van engine."

"The results were beyond our wildest dreams and the fairy lights all around Cafe Hopcott immediately sprang into action."

"It's all so easy, really. The more people we have visiting Cafe Hopcott, the more virtual carrot cake we sell or even give away, the more people burst into delighted laughter and the more emetically processed carrot cake can be collected and converted into electricity to power the lights. Since the carrots are growing in the Cafe Hopcott herb garden, this undoubtedly counts as perpetual motion producing electricity."

"To celebrate this wonderful breakthrough, Cafe Hopcott is throwing a party and everybody is invited. Of course, carrot cake and much laughter will be on the menu and with our new electricity we can party through the night."

"Er, would you like to try some carrot cake?"

Newsflash ends (hurriedly) from Spellthorpwood Clarion cub reporter (as she dashes to the bushes) yelling

"All comments on how this will change the world welcomed ..."

Editors Note: All characters and places in this short laughter inducing humorous story, except Nursee and Cookee, are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

This short humorous sketch, about laughter inducing herbal emetic perpetual motion electricity at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

Er, don't forget to comment.

Please.

Er, yes, we are delighted ...

Now comment ... Please ... Pretty ...

Er, what? The picture? Irrelevant?

It's not irrelevant! I ask you!

Oh, all right then ... (sigh)

It's a passing space craft that emerged from the 'Rift in Time' somewhere around Hoppy's herbal patch.

Wandering Minstrel tells me the aliens are checking out our new emetic power supply ... Satisfied?

Don't forget to comment ... Please pretty ... Oh, I've done that!

Er, where's that cub reporter? She was a real cracker. What? With the 45 firemen? Dohhhhh!