CAFE HOPCOTT - humorous chat, comedy & jokes in our rural idyll, with free hugs & virtual snacks

Christmas at Cafe Hopcott - join in the party and Merry Christmas to all ... Ho ... Ho!

2008-12-05T00:26:00.000-08:00

Er, is there anybody there? Hello ... Hello!

Oh, good! I thought you were all asleep and not paying attention, for a minute. I should have known that devotees of the legendary service provided at Cafe Hopcott would have no trouble in feigning sleep (even snoring) while being constantly alert to any Public Announcements of importance like 'Free beer' or 'Drinks are on Hoppy'.

Well, now I've got your attention, here is the public announcement.

Er, (cough) (cough). Er, no that wasn't the Public Announcement and I don't have a cold ... Control yourself Hoppy!

Ditzy, I distinctly saw you looking a bit slug-like for a moment there. You know that I've spent all of 30 seconds cleaning up Cafe Hopcott after your last enthusiastic slime love-in before you changed into a rather attractive flower, which everybody seemed to prefer, even the postman who had refused to deliver bills and threatening letters to Cafe Hopcott for fear of being slimed. So, Ditzy, by popular acclaim, please concentrate on thinking flowery thoughts rather than sluggy ones.

What, Ditzy? Dacky, the Feral Dachshund, keeps watering you? ... Well, good, that saves me a job. Think of the lovely nutrients.

What is it now, Ditzy? What, Dacky has been smoking some of Hoppy's Merry Christmas Herbal Tea and you are beginning to feel all woozy? Well, lucky you. I've not even had a chance to get a cup of tea yet, because of this important Cafe Hopcott Public Service Announcement you keep interrupting.

Ouch, Dacky, why did you do that?

What? Because you love me? Dacky, you are not supposed to bite people you love.

Blech, blech ... Dacky, licking is better than biting ... But sticking your tongue down my throat is reserved for those with whom I have a passionate relationship ... Er, no Hoppy, not Madame Hopcott ... I was thinking more about that cub reporter from the Spellthorpwood Clarion ...

No, Wandering Minstrel, I don't want you to sing a soulful folk song as an introduction to this major and extremely important Cafe Hopcott Public Announcement ...

What? Please stop sniveling ... Yes, I think you sing marvelously ... It's just everybody starts crying when you sing - usually as soon as you stand up.

Yes, OK, you can do a 'ping' to announce my Public Announcement. Yes, a soulful 'ping' is OK ... No, not several, just one!

What? You want to play your guitar too? Absolutely not ...

Yes, I'm being firm ... Somebody has to be. You know that your guitar has been banned from Cafe Hopcott ever since you fitted the ghetto blaster amplification system, frightened a herd of deer on the moors that galloped through the village destroying the W.I. tea party and they sent a delegation to sort me out! I still bear the emotional scars. I think they were the ones who trained Madame Hopcott to be .... er ... well, Madame Hopcott ... And you know what trouble that has caused!

Now, are we all here before I make this very important Public Announcement?

Let me see, there is Dacky the Feral Dachshund, Ducky the three headed Dolly Dachshund, Hoppy is with us - just about. Ditzy has gone back to looking like a nice flower on the window ledge.

Where is Q? Has anybody seen Q? What? He's founded a Summer Camp for walking on water? Very popular with Civil Servants at the moment? I'm not surprised!

Well, look, if everybody concentrates very hard and thinks of Q, perhaps he will appear!

Now, concentrate ... Dacky, leave Ducky alone ... That's inappropriate behaviour ... You know that the West Cities Rural Youth Orchestra is arriving soon and everything in this cafe must be strictly P.G.

What? No, Wandering Minstrel, they are not going to do the 'ping' to announce this announcement - that is reserved for you! What? You think you should be paid? Do you think I'm being paid? Our customers save people's lives you know ... The firemen, with their shiny helmets dash into blazing buildings when they are not enjoying the Cafe Hopcott newly renovated champagne jacuzzi.

Now, has anybody seen Q?

What? He's behind me? Oh no he isn't ...

Ouch ... Ooh, I've just had my ears syringed and that bell is loud.

Hello, Q!

Look everybody, it's Q dressed as Father Christmas! He's come to join us at our Cafe Hopcott Christmas party. And, look, he's got lots of presents for everybody.

How wonderful now we are all here again.

Let's all sing 'we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas ...

What, Wandering Minstrel, we've done the Public Announcement and you haven't done your 'ping'...

What is it, Ducky? Dacky says I've not mentioned lots of people from Cafe Hopcott and they'll be upset.

But, can't you see, Dacky and Ducky, they are all there on the side of the hill waving to us - including the MI5 officers still disguised as goats.

It's good to be back again - at least for one special day :-)

Bye for now

Rob

Rob Hopcott - online author and proprietor of the online cooperative loosely termed Cafe Hopkiss, Cafe Hopsnot, Cafe Hopbosh, those Nuisances On The Hill ...

Editors note:

This Christmas short story, short Christmas story or humorous sketch, about the Cafe Hopcott Christmas Party, is one of Rob Hopcott's Christmas short stories for Christmas 2008 and is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this short humorous story, flash fiction, sudden fiction, postcard fiction, blemish on the space time continuum, except Nursee and Cookee - who aren't actually mentioned anyway - are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise in the real world or any other Rift in Space or Time.

Sue me and I'll send my attack slug around ... Ever been slimed? Haha! You'll get yours! I'll send Madame Hopcott around - now you're scared!

What about Cheffee and Nursee ... Well, they are coming down across the grass singing 'The Hills are alive to the sounds of music'.

And now Wandering Minstrel is complaining that they haven't been included in the terms of Cafe Hopcott Music Licence...

It's just all too much ...

I can't stand it!

I'm coming Cheffee ... I'm coming Nursee ...

'The Hills are astride the Clowns of Music ... I'm singing ... Can't you hear me ...

Is there anybody there?

Hellooooooooooo!

Merrrrrrryyyyyyyy Christmasssssssssss!

Ditzy the four foot attack slug's demise

2008-07-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

Well hello! It's me, Rob, back despite common demand - to bring all the lovers of Cafe Hopcott up to date with events at the only place in this universe which is truly sane - Cafe Hopcott.

First of all, I must start off with an apology to all those who took a dislike to Ditzy the four foot attack slug.

Comments like 'Icky', Blechk and even stronger sadly have been plentiful.

New health warnings have been plastered by public officials on Cafe Hopcott walls, which made a nice change from the old ones, but which sadly offended my dear cuddly Ditzy.

All manner of dire threats were made on Ditzy's life and Ditzy's dear little children as they played in the sewers and streams that had become their home (aka Cafe Hopcott).

After dark, a new folk music tradition was born which recounted in 425 verses the sad end of numerous offspring who died terrible deaths at the hands of dissatisfied Cafe Hopcott visitors.

It all had to come to an end one day. The day of atonement was yesterday when I, Rob, your misbegotten host turned up for my customary afternoons nap in the Hopcott Cafe Hammock only to find Ditzy gone ... Disappeared ... Departed ... No more...

Of course, yours truly was completely distraught, because Ditzy the four foot attack slug and his thousands of offspring had become like friends to me, but there was one saving grace which can be seen top right on this blog post.

Yes, Ditzy had shape shifted into a small vase of flowers and is now sulking on the window sill.

By way of goodbye, there was a note slimed on the side of Cafe Hopcott that Ditzy had sent all his little ones to Slime Summer Camp in parallel slug dimension and would only reconvert to a beautiful attack slug if everybody at Cafe Hopcott left really nice comments to say how much they missed him.

So, this is our big chance to say to Ditzy how much we love his slime, his foul smell and his propensity for producing offspring several times a day.

I know you all miss him.

So leave your comments below.

You never know, he might shape shift back to his old lovable self :-)

Bye for now

Rob

P.S. Er, what? You also want to know about the other inhabitants of Cafe Hopcott? Ah well, that will have to be another day. I have to refill Ditzy's vase with some cool water fortified with some nice plant nutrients. So important to get our priorities right.

P.P.S. Er, if you are waiting for me to yell Nursee and Cheffee ... Well I'm very grown up these days ... And am even thinking about not sucking my big toe ... And I definitely don't need Cheffee anymore ... Which is a good thing because she's gone off and left me for somebody strange in Brizzell ... And I don't care ... Sniff! ... Coz I've still got my friend Ditzy ... The attack slug ... What? Ditzy has turned into a bunch of flowers ... Oh yeh! I forgot ...

Sniff!

Sniff!

Er, Nursee ... Cheffee ....

Dacky the Feral Dachshund in love triangle - Rob's gossip about the latest strange, weird and humorous events at Cafe Hopcott

2008-04-29T02:17:00.000-07:00

Well hello folks, it's me, Rob, back again :-)

You may have heard that I'd gone off with Lips Laura and Squeeze Box Sarah. Well! I must say that the story was a malicious rumour put about by Hip-hop and there's no truth in it.

Let it be known, in all honesty, I've never ever even heard of anybody called Lips Laura and Squeeze Box Sarah and, even if I did, Lips Laura and Squeeze Box Sarah were last seen disappearing in the direction of Tiverton hand-in-hand with a Young Farmer who said he had a huge spread at home to show them.

Well, it's an ill wind that blows nobody any good and, with so much happening since we last chatted at Cafe Hopcott, my first job must be to bring everybody up to date with the latest gossip.

You might ask where is the legendary - and lovable - Hip-hop Hopcott?

Well that is my first exciting news. It seems that the Madame Hopcott has taken a shine to him, and he didn't dare to say no, so, as I speak, they are back at Hopcott Manor changing the locks to keep me out. Imagine losing Madame Hopcott and Hip-hop in one fell swoop? Surely too much good news to cope with all at once!

Of course, sleeping under one of the tables at Cafe Hopcott (the third from the left as you go in) may be questionable in terms of comfort but, hey, let's look at the positives. No more screaming to damage my ears, no more being told I'm useless. (Tell me something I don't know - I mean, I'm creative.)

As for Hip-hop Hopcott, its probably just as well he's gone. I was getting worried that the G-men who police the spelling check results were beginning to take an interest in Cafe Hopcott and my search engine rankings were allegedly under threat (risen recently to third from bottom out of 1,000,000, not bad eh!)

Anyway, I must get down to the latest hot gossip which is about Dacky, who is now allegedly in a love triangle with Ducky the Dolly Dachshund. Yes, I know it's a bit of a mouthful but, let's face it, the characters at Cafe Hopcott have their own minds and I can't tell them what to do.

If their relationship lasts and they plight their troths (assuming Dacky can find a church where he hasn't been nicking bones), the Minister might have quite a problem intoning that mouthful.

"Do you Dacky the Feral Dachshund take Ducky the Dolly Dachshund to be your lawful wedded bitch?"

Added to that, there is a problem that Ducky the Dolly Dachshund has three heads - all on extendable necks - which could cause a sensation in the pews.

Apparently, one of the things that impresses Dacky about Ducky is that Ducky can look around both sides of a tree at the same time whilst also sniffing the nether regions of a passing alsation dog. How do I know? Well, apparently, one of Ducky's three heads is great at translating all sorts of languages into all sorts of others. So we don't need to put up with 'woof' or 'yap' any more, we can actually find out what Dacky is saying! Could it get better?

How did Ducky the Dolly Dachshund and Dacky the Feral Dachshund get together? Well, Dacky was excavating in the Rift in Space and Time and bumped into Ducky the Dolly Dachshund whilst trying to drag Ditzy the Giant Slug back into our time. Ducky the Dolly Dachshund advised Dacky the Feral Dachshund that Ditzy the Giant Slug was, in fact, only asleep and anyway didn't contain any bones. Dacky, in a flash, fell in love and the rest is history. Ducky the Dolly Dachshund agreed to return with Dacky the Feral Dachshund to Cafe Hopcott to be Dacky's companion on a trial relationship basis. For some strange reason (that I cannot fathom out) Ditzy the Giant Slug, who it appears is very lazy, decided to come along too - probably because it was nearer.

However, this has made Hoppy very happy because he has discovered that if he drys the slime that Ditzy the Giant Slug leaves everywhere he goes, and then smokes it, he becomes an even happier Hoppy.

Q is impressed because Ducky the Dolly Dachshund can swim underwater while Q can only walk on it.

Apparently, Ducky demonstrated her prowess by swimming out to the media boat that is anchored offshore and peered over the gunwale on all three sides of the boat at the same time.

The ensuing screams from the press men and women would have wakened the dead and the media rowing boat is now blessedly completely deserted.

However, there is now a rather foul smell arising from stuff on the bottom of the boat. Dacky suggested disdainfully that they should have put it in plastic bags like responsible people but whoever said the media were ever responsible.

Apparently, the old hack reporter from the Weekly Moon had enjoyed a Vindaloo Curry the night before and, when he lit a cigarette to steady his nerves after everybody had stopped screaming, he took off like a rocket and was last seen interviewing the pilot of an American Stealth Bomber over Paris.

All of which seems to have attracted the interest of the MI5 officers on the hill disguised as goats who were observed, by Hoppy, to be talking urgently into their hooves.

Hoppy is now wearing a codpiece obtained from the local Fancy Dress Shop. Apparently, he has observed Ducky's extendable necks and is worried Dacky might get one too and stop just biting ankles.

Dacky is now feeling so mellow and philosophical about life that he's thinking of publishing a book entitled "Thoughts of Chairman Dacky" - it's based on the thoughts of Chairman Mao of yesteryear. I do hope Dacky is not getting over-confident now he's settling down and planning world domination.

Apparently, an initial chapter of the "Thoughts of Chairman Dacky" (as translated by Ducky) include the following gems:

"Before embarking on a car chase, first ascertain - it is not coming towards you!"

"Before raising your leg in honour of a car wheel, first ascertain - it is not turning!"

No doubt it'll be a best-seller and I can retire to Cafe Hopcott and live to be a ripe old fart, cossetted by those cute and lovely ladies nursee and cheffee.

Well, that's probably enough of me rambling on for now so I'd better close. I don't think there is anything else to report.

Oh, yes. You may be asking why the title of this report says 'Dacky the Feral Dachshund in love triangle'?

Well obviously ... Ducky's got three heads, hasn't she? ... Need I say more?

Um, three heads ... That's three heads more to feed ... Aaaaargh! Can I afford it? .... Things are going downhill ... I'll be bankrupt!

Nurseeeeeee ... Cheffffeeeeeee! ... Heeeeelp!

Bye for now

Rob

P.S. All comments on how to deal with love triangles welcomed ..."

Editors Note: All characters and places in this short gossipy humorous story, except Nursee and Cookee, are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise in the real world or any Rift in Space or Time.

This short humorous sketch, about love triangles, a three headed dachshund called Ducky and a one headed dachshund called Dacky at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

Steal it and I'll send my friendly four foot high slug around to slime you!

What? You've got slug killer? How cruuuuuelllllllll!

Nursee ... Cookeeee!

Hip-hop Hopcott weird mon hollas!

2008-04-22T03:03:00.000-07:00

'olla!

Ah sez, 'OLLA!

Dis ees de noo mayin man 'ere - 'ip-'op 'opcott. Dat right up geezer Rob said foh I's to mosy 'ere an' spen' time in de frenliest dosser comin' dahn dis year, whazzit called - yeah, Cafe 'opcott. Deffo, 'e bigged it up!

Well, 'e'd deese b**ches rappin all aroun' 'm. One of dem 'Lips Laura' wuz a wind musician and de ozzer 'Squeezy Sandra' was an accordion player.

Ah said 'Respect mon - youse got de lips an' de squeezes - youse got de worl'.'

Well, dere was nuffink rappin at de festival of Folkies fow dis mon, deffo, so ah t'ought 'What de sh*t, I's gonna gis Cafe 'opcott a try'.

Dat mayin man Rob said it wuz right on 'ere! 'e said dere wuz nursee to do me massage, gin jacuzzi, mermaids, smokes fr'm de 'erb garden an' de best cheffeee in de Disunited Kingdom. Deffo, dat rocked mah block! Ah mean respect!

But, mon, de peeps 'ere is weird - ah mean mon WEIRD!

Dis b**ch Madame 'opcott, she keeps on de yellin' an' t'rowin' at me. It fair does me 'ead in.

Den dere is dis weird sausage dog - wazzit called - 'Dacky'. Mon 'e's mean. Mah leg never got bit as much sin' ah wuz in de slammer wiv dem roaches.

Den dere eez dis weird dude callin' 'isself 'oppy. 'es got dis 'erb garden an de stuff - even growin' aht of 'is EARS!

Den dere iz de bells ringin' by dat mon Quasi. Rappin wiv Quasi - no way - jus' sez 'Grooooh'. Ah mean ... Innit ... no jazz rhymes wiv grooooh!

Den dere is de Wandering Minstrel - Ah mean, t'ought I'd lost de wailin' folk at de Ring o' Bells. Mon de wailing! Send 'im ta Guantanamo Bay, fow de torture, an' dem terrorists confess ta anyfing, innit!

An dis gin jacuzzi - ah mean - tree 'unred firemen all wiv dere 'elmets wavin' abaht - dats serious bad stuff!

Dere's even a Viking runnin' abaht and filth dressed up as goats ...

Deffo gonna rest mah chops 'ere wiv me bling jus rappin' - solo!

Cafe 'opcott iz weird
Gives me de beard
Dacky me's afeared
Minstrel sez 'e iz teared

Quasi sez jus' 'Groooo'
Dacky sez jus' growl
'oppy sez 'Drinks are on you dude!'

Ah jest sez 'Lemmeee Ahhhhttttttt!'

Blogs as Bio-fuel - Cafe Hopcott think tank initiative

2008-04-15T02:48:00.000-07:00

At a recent think-tank meeting, staff at Cafe Hopcott have come up with an innovative and creative solution to providing unlimited supplies of low cost bio-fuel for the world economy by proposing that blogs or web logs, being a variation of logs, should be burned to generate power.

Ideally fueling steam trains, trams or traction engines, blogs are the ultimate green solution to transport emissions.

As an alternative to nuclear power, they are preferable because there is no need for large amounts of research and development as steam technology is tried and tested and proven to work.

Cafe Hopcott has a long track record of innovative ideas including the recent 'emetics to energy initiative' designed to power the gin jacuzzi, some nice little fairy lights and the electrified hurdle that Dacky the Dachshund uses to practise the low jump for the 2012 Alternative Laughter Olympics.

Even unemployment will go down as the millions of struggling-in-a-garret writers are taken out of unemployment and employed on the minimum wage to produce unlimited supplies of quirky and angst ridden fuel efficient blogs.

Ultra modest proprietor of Cafe Hopcott, Rob, said proudly:

"The resident geniuses at Cafe Hopcott have done it again. It will solve the world's fuel crisis in one stroke. It is a very viral idea and will spread out of control across the Internet so we are issuing it 'open source' with no view to profit."

Madame Hopcott, wife to Rob, said:

"What? You are giving away your latest idea? Why don't you try earning some money for a change? YOU WASTER!"

Dacky the feral dachshund said:

"Woof! Grrrr!"

Rob said:

"Outch ... get off Dacky!"

Hoppy, the handsome and well known happy go lucky about town Cafe Hopcott bar fly said:

"Burn baby burn ... It's cool dude! Let's parteeee!"

Quasi, with his new friend Higgs Boson, recently discovered in the Rift in Time located just by Hoppy's herb garden and who is currently using Cafe Hopcott to hide from and tease his friends at CERN, said:

"Groooooh ...."

Higgs Boson was unavailable to comment.

Picture above is of a steam train waiting to be loaded up with biofuel logs otherwise called blogs.

All praise and comments welcomed :-)

Rob

Laughter Olympics bid 2012 - Cafe Hopcott Humor Think Tank Reveals Plans

2008-04-02T07:42:00.000-07:00

At a Strategic Partners think tank meeting aimed at the regeneration of the UK West Country economy a dedicated team of Cafe Hopcott staff met to consider options for a bid to the South West Regional Development Authority for a grant to set up the Laughter Olympics as a parallel endeavour to the official olympics in 20012.

Ideas for laughter included:

Find the lost bone whilst avoiding the church warden - a written suggestion received from Dacky the feral dachshund.
Pike throwing at visiting Really Healthy Places Inspectors - suggested by Viking Warrior - other members of the meeting too scared to add anything because Viking Warrior looked really fierce.
Low Jump for dachshunds - suggested by Dacky the dachshund - proposal modified by addition of electrified pole - suggested by Hoppy.
Songs that make you want to weep - audience tears collected to identify the winner - suggested by resident folk singer Wandering Minstrel.
Additional ideas for Laughter Olympics song included 'All you need is Blood' by Viking Warrior and 'I lost my Bone in San Francisco' by anonymous(?)
Longest folk song competition before a ton of goat droppings is deposited from above - Wandering Minstrel's idea - with goat droppings addition by Hoppy.

Photograph is of a goat priming himself ready to do his duty on the hill above Cafe Hopcott - or a secret service agent in disguise operating under deep cover.

But sooooo sweet, eh?

Bye for now

Rob

Editors Note: All characters and places in this short pathetically laughable attempt at humor are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise or even expected to be living at some time in the future or in another dimension or across the Rift in Time by Hoppy's herbal garden.

Furthermore, nevertheless and in the first instant, this short allegedly humorous sketch, about godforsaken think tank ideas for Cafe Hopcott's Olympics bid, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved. (Beware, don't steal it! I'll send Viking Warrior around - wearing his blouse!)

Er, what do you mean?

Parden?

What?

This drivel is not worth stealing?

Do you know who you are talking to?

What, you do?

I've got multiple personalities you know!

And they'll all be around later to accept a retraction! There! Now you're worried! Hah!

What?

You're not ... Oh!

Well could you perhaps leave a comment? Er, please ... Please ... Pretty ...

(sigh)

It's so difficult raising a laugh these days ...

Perhaps I should turn to romance ...

Now, where's that female MI5 officer I spotted?

She was a real cracker with lovely hair and a nice soft voice ...

Now what did she say? Oh yes, 'baaa'! I wonder if that was her telephone number?

(Of course there's always more humor over at humor-blogs.com.)

UK Gone West Country News - emetics to electricity - Cafe Hopcott discovers herbal electricity perpetual motion

2008-03-26T03:16:00.000-07:00

West Country, UK News from Spellthorpwood Clarion cub reporter of emetics to electricity breakthrough as boffins at Cafe Hopcott claim delight with perpetual motion innovation with organic and herbal ingredients used to generate electricity.

Cafe Hopcott, the popular West Country destination of choice for intellectuals, hippies and ne'er do wells, renowned for its gin jacuzzi and coffee cake designed to loosen chest infections, claims to have made a startling new breakthrough by discovering laughter induced perpetual motion.

Legendary sot Hoppy and the right-hand man to eccentric local author and Cafe Hopcott entrepreneur Rob Hopcott said:

"I have always believed in my herb garden and it has always come up trumps. When I discovered this plant that immediately made people laugh and everything in life look wonderful, I decided to test it to the limit and in the process found the answer to the Cafe Hopcott electricity supply problem. Not a minute too soon, either, because Dacky the feral dachshund was getting tired on the treadmill and when Dacky's in a bad mood everybody gets bitten so something had to be done."

"However, realizing my dream was only possible with the close collaboration of a tightly knit focus group consisting of Chefee, Nursee and 45 on duty firemen who kindly agreed to leave the gin jacuzzi for a few minutes 'for a laugh'."

"In a scientifically valid blind experiment, we gave the blindfolded firemen my carefully prepared genetically un-engineered herb cooked in some carrot cake which instantly made them very happy and so cheerful they were splitting their sides laughing.

Minutes later, still blindfolded, they all dashed behind the bushes on the side of the hill, emerging some time moments still chuckling, looking happy and demanding more carrot cake according to Union rules before they returned to the jacuzzi.

So far the experience was a great success.

A carefully constructed runaway system collected the emetically processed carrot cake mix which was then fed into the diesel engine of an old broken down diesel camper van and the electricity was taken from the alternator in the camper van engine."

"The results were beyond our wildest dreams and the fairy lights all around Cafe Hopcott immediately sprang into action."

"It's all so easy, really. The more people we have visiting Cafe Hopcott, the more virtual carrot cake we sell or even give away, the more people burst into delighted laughter and the more emetically processed carrot cake can be collected and converted into electricity to power the lights. Since the carrots are growing in the Cafe Hopcott herb garden, this undoubtedly counts as perpetual motion producing electricity."

"To celebrate this wonderful breakthrough, Cafe Hopcott is throwing a party and everybody is invited. Of course, carrot cake and much laughter will be on the menu and with our new electricity we can party through the night."

"Er, would you like to try some carrot cake?"

Newsflash ends (hurriedly) from Spellthorpwood Clarion cub reporter (as she dashes to the bushes) yelling

"All comments on how this will change the world welcomed ..."

Editors Note: All characters and places in this short laughter inducing humorous story, except Nursee and Cookee, are completely fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

This short humorous sketch, about laughter inducing herbal emetic perpetual motion electricity at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

Er, don't forget to comment.

Please.

Er, yes, we are delighted ...

Now comment ... Please ... Pretty ...

Er, what? The picture? Irrelevant?

It's not irrelevant! I ask you!

Oh, all right then ... (sigh)

It's a passing space craft that emerged from the 'Rift in Time' somewhere around Hoppy's herbal patch.

Wandering Minstrel tells me the aliens are checking out our new emetic power supply ... Satisfied?

Don't forget to comment ... Please pretty ... Oh, I've done that!

Er, where's that cub reporter? She was a real cracker. What? With the 45 firemen? Dohhhhh!

Archaeology, Healthy Living and a Good Laugh at Cafe Hopcott - staff internal memo of congratulation

2008-03-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

Great news!

This morning, Cafe Hopcott was visited by some nice people from the Local Government Really Healthy Places Department.

They were so impressed that they gave Cafe Hopcott a beautiful new award. It is now proudly on the wall alongside the others.

I think red is a nice colour and the font they have used is very pretty.

The award isn't very descriptive but it has a nice ring to it. I bet you are now wondering what this award is called.

The award says "Condemned!"

I think it was so nice that the Local Really Healthy Places Department inspectors came to visit. It shows how popular Cafe Hopcott is becoming among the local people as well as visitors from countries all around the world.

In fact, when the Local Government Really Healthy Places inspector visited, he seemed to enjoy himself.

He just couldn't stop laughing.

When I explained we were looking for new visitors for special theme weekends, he held his sides and went red in the face.

It was a very pleasing response.

He said he would really like to show Cafe Hopcott to all his Local Government Really Healthy Places colleagues as an 'example to others'.

I felt very proud :-)

He suggested they could visit and play the game called 'Find the Compliance'.

It was something complicated and to do with regulations.

He thought it would be challenging and keep them all happy for hours.

I felt humbled by his helpfulness but didn't really understand what he was talking about.

Apparently, though, it was Dacky's interest in archaeology that stimulated their interest following a 'special mention' to them by the church warden that Dacky the feral Dachshund was digging in the area around the church.

I must ask Cook to give Dacky special rations as a thank you for bringing the Local Government Healthy Places people to Cafe Hopcott and also pop around to give special thanks to the church warden.

Certainly Dacky seems to like archaeology very much and is to be seen, most days, smiling as he chews on his bones.

It's all a mystery to me since our excellent, healthful (and rather sexy) cook only provides him with vegetarian food and I'm puzzled as to which plant the bones come from.

Perhaps our lovely cuddly Nursee will know. She's so knowledgeable about bodily bits and pieces.

The nice Governmental Health Man even suggested we would get a visit from the Local Expert Planning Officers.

Well that would be wonderful!

The more the merrier, I say, although, if all the Really Healthy Inspectors are here at the same time as the Expert Planning Officers, it could get a bit crowded in the new gin jacuzzi.

Frankly, I don't really see how these Expert Planning People could help ...

We don't really plan much at Cafe Hopcott. Plans seem to get complicated and everybody gets bored and drifts off to do something else or we get drunk discussing options and then argue.

After all, Cafe Hopcott only came into existence when my old gran (deceased) and I were walking by the seaside and she said it would be a lovely place for a cafe and we sort of just moved in.

I wonder if the Expert Planning Officers and Really Healthy Inspectors will want to try the new gin jacuzzi, as suggested by Nursee and Cook, while they are here?

All your helpful comments are really appreciated :-)

And well done one and all!

(Memorandum ends)

The End

This short humorous sketch, about archaeology, healthy living and a good laugh at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this short archaeological health review are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

It's just a bit of a chuckle, a laugh, corporate humor, you know, office humor, a bit funny ho ho. Almost a stand up comedy, but not quite, a humorous story or even therapy!

Well mop my brow!

Both Nursee and Cooky are now claiming they are not figments of my imagination.

Well!

It's a pretty poor world when a guy can't even enjoy his delusions in peace!

Gosh! I need to be hugged better after that shock :-)

Nurseeeee, Coookeeeee!

Q. is ghost - story condemned as media hype and humorous stand up comedy of errors by Rob at Cafe Hopcott

2008-03-11T04:29:00.000-07:00

Media speculation that Q. is a five hundred year old ghost was strongly denied this morning by erstwhile employer, laughaholic and Cafe Hopcott proprietor, Rob Hopcott on his return from Venezuela.

Allegedly, Q. first caught the attention of the press when he jumped into a lake to demonstrate how to drown but didn't.

Party goers, made up of escapees from a local holiday camp, some rather burly firemen (with very sweet smiles) and a rooky reporter from the Spellthorpwood Clarion, looked on in amazement as Q., said to be a non swimmer, sank no fewer than 50 times before jumping out the lake with a big smile on his face.

Later in the evening, in front of hundreds of newly arrived party going student nurses, he showed off more skills with a series of hand stands and cart wheels. One onlooker commented

"Clever stuff, but how can he do it on the water? And he's not even getting wet."

Rob Hopcott, failed comedy writer, legendary humorless stand-up comedian and planet Jupiter real estate salesman, complained

"The media are now in a boat floating offshore watching us and putting our customers off their coffee cake. It's very worrying because they will make up any story. Probably next they'll be suggesting that Dacky is a dog and Dacky's job managing Cafe Hopcott's Public Relations is exploitation. I ask you! He'll probably bite them and we'll have even more problems."

"Harassment from the media is upsetting our other staff too. Viking Warrior, our Chief Security Officer, has already started collecting boulders from the sea shore and has warned all our workers that pike thrusting staff training will be replaced tomorrow morning by ballista loading and shooting in a seaward direction."

"Somebody is bound to get hurt, and, given that the ballista is very inaccurate, the MI5 secret service officers, who the milkman says are watching from the hillside in heavy disguise (see picture above), are in real danger. I tried to warn them but they just kept pretending and making bleating sounds."

"Q. can't concentrate on cleaning out the chocolate jacuzzi because the media are yelling for him to come out and see them all the time. Okay, he's light on his feet, so he can walk on water - big deal! Perhaps he is nearly 500 years old! They should wish him happy birthday, get over it, get on with their lives and let us get on with ours."

"Really, there is nothing special about Cafe Hopcott, except really poor service, with a smile, and free hugs. Plus, just about everything else is free too, come to think of of it - damn, I hadn't realised that!"

"And those Ghostdusters guys who are wandering around waving an old vacuum cleaner are just plain getting in the way of Nurse Cath who is trying to open up a Respite Centre for Under-Stressed Firemen (or was it Under-Dressed - I'm so confused).

"All I can hope is that the media don't discover the Rift in the Space-Time Continuum over by the herb garden. Hoppy has been growing some interesting stuff there and swears it'll put you on another planet and we don't want the media trampling all over his plot when he's making everybody so dreamy and happy."

"Were under a lot of pressure to find ideas for marketing Cafe Hopcott to regenerate this rural area with themed short break weekends."

"We're offering free virtual holidays of hugs and cactus bush trimming for the best ones, if you're interested :-) "

"Er, wot? You are the media! Gerroff my property - go away or I'll set the un-dead on yer!"

The End is Nigh - believe it!

This short humorous sketch, about an alleged media ghost story (denied) and humorous stand up comedy at Cafe Hopcott, is copyright humorless online humor author Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this over long short humorous review are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

It's just a bit of a chuckle, a laugh, corporate humor, you know, office humor, a bit funny ha ha, vaguely resembling a stand up comedy, a humorous presentation or even a tragedy!

Woe is me!

Wot? Nurse Cath is real? Does she know this? OMG, we'd better cancel plans to ballista her out to sink the media rowing boat!

(Beats brow)

And everybody is getting hugs these days except me :-(

Er, any chance of a hug?

Chuckle and Laughter Risk Analysis for Cafe Hopcott - Strategic Report on Health and Safety Implications by Humor Consultant Rob Hopcott

2008-03-06T01:07:00.000-08:00

Health and safety issues have again arisen from people laughing too much at Cafe Hopcott leading to an urgent review of the customers and staff suggestion box to identify areas of levity reduction.

"I laughed so much I would have wet myself but the dachshund got there first!"

"I couldn't believe how bad the service was - they should be in the Guinness Book of records!"

"Toilets in the bushes! What a scream! So innovative, especially in winter when there are no leaves! "

"Proud to win the Never Cleaned Toilets Award! I couldn't believe it!"

Such praise is high indeed and all the staff of Cafe Hopcott should be congratulated for their diligence to their duties - many more similar comments were received, including praise for the state of the art swimming pool (see above) but, for now, blushes will be spared.

However, whilst recognising Cafe Hopcott is approaching perfection in its haphazard delivery of services, it is believed there is always room for improvement!

A subsequent survey to identify groups of people who could be invited to Cafe Hopcott suggested the following potential visitor weekends:

Prehistoric cave artists convention - financed out of archaeological grants.

Cross dressing weekend - girls blouses needed for visiting Vikings.

Health farm weekend - ensure supply of death by chocolate cake

Newly released convicts weekend - new high demand anticipated following recent Governmental indiscriminate release policy (for public safety) - ensure tables are neatly lined up and walking area restricted for maximum customer satisfaction.

Parents rebellion weekend - special graffiti area required and startup messages to get the ball rolling such as 'Rights for mums and dads!' and 'We hate you!'

Hedgehog convention - need to include highway code consultant for urgent advice on road crossings and exclude gypsies (allegedly keen on eating Hedgys).

Cider drinking convention - need to lock up Hoppy - again! Well he does like that sort of thing!

West Country Highland Games convention incorporating main event of 'Toss the Dachshund' - background information indicates uncertainty as to whether Dacky the Dachshund bit Scotsman after suggestion or before.

Taxidermy convention - popular staff member Dacky the Dachshund again subject of interest for suggested main event 'Stuff the Dachshund'. Background unknown - but suggestion slip delightfully speckled with little blobs of red.

Whilst these ideas are startlingly innovative and a major contribution to research for the 'ultimate visitor experience' at Cafe Hopcott, it has been decided, by a majority of one (votes recorded, one), to invite further suggestions.

Please put your ideas for marketing Cafe Hopcott to particular groups and ideas for short break weekends below as comments.

Free virtual weekends of hugs and bush trimming for the best ideas :-)

Report ends

This short humorous sketch about chuckle and laughter risk analysis for Cafe Hopcott, a strategic report on health and safety implications, is copyright online humor author Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this short humorous review are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

It's just a bit of a chuckle, a laugh, a corporate joke, you know, office humor, a bit funny haha, something vaguely resembling a stand up comedy, a humorous presentation or perhaps a tragedy!

Wot? You didn't laugh?

(Sniff)

Oh well, hugs are free - yippee :-(

Cafe Hopcott Strategic Staffing and Senior Officer Transport Review, Recommendations and Job Vacancies by humorous sketch writer Rob Hopcott

2008-03-03T00:53:00.001-08:00

Executive Summary - Staffing and Transport at Cafe Hopcott

An in depth review of staffing at Cafe Hopcott, initiated following complaints by customers who said they laughed so much they became ill, has identified the need for an immediate, urgent and radical strengthening of the corporate staffing structure.

A review of Transport requirements was indicated following Rob's late attendance at Spring Confederation of UK Industry Conference due to corporate gearing issues (camper van jammed in second - two days late).

Transport corrective action taken under Executive Discretion - minute 32 - 'Ongoing Crisis Measures'

An executive limousine has now been identified for use by the Directors when attending Industry Conferences. Credit following detailed and extensive market research by Corporate Strategy. (See study entitled 'Know the Expense Spared - A Hoppy Guide to Off Cuff Decision Making' - picture on right.)

Staffing Background

Alternative solutions to staff strengthening have been considered and thanks to those who participated in the staff suggestion scheme.

It was thought the suggestion of 'running complaining customers through with a pikestaff' was perhaps not the ideal solution and would probably contravene some clause in Health and Safety.

Similarly, 'Get the b****** so smashed they won't know difference' was thought insensitive to the toddlers using the climbing frame (disused Ballista).

Top Down, Outsourcing and Belly Up Issues - more detailed research

Transcribed from audio recording of interview with Magdalene, Head Chef (Veggie).

We have this problem with Dacky !

When he is supposed to say:

"Good morning, how are you madame?" in a sweet and inviting way, he just says

"Woof!"

Frankly, the customers don't understand.

They just pat Dacky on the head and go off to admire that awful pill box building you call Head Office instead of buying some of my lovely herbal cups of tea.

The other member of our staff who desperately needs help is that idiot Hoppy whose speech is so slurred somebody thought he was offering them Border Collie and Peas when it was really suggesting Cauliflower Cheese!

I ask you?

(Interview terminated following plates thrown at interviewer.)

Staffing Issues Causation

(a) Suggestions that Dacky may indeed, in reality, be a dog have been discounted after an interview with Madame Hopcott (transcribed from audio recording).

Dacky est mon petite minou, my little lover. 'E eez my little treasure, my life, mon courage, mon brave.

(b) Investigation took place into the alleged connection between Hoppy's slurred speech and a big barrel of Somerset Scrumpy Cider at the back of the Cafe.

When interviewed, (recording subsequently destroyed over night by persons unknown - report written from interviewer's napkin notes), staff member Hoppy made a strong denial claiming to be completely tea-total - and considering Holy Orders.

Further investigation using a web cam to monitor the barrel of cider to identify utilisation was frustrated by a cracked camera lens following early morning training in sling shot and pikes which became disorganised under the direction of the Corporate Security Officer.

Head of Corporate Security proved subsequently to be unavailable for interview due to urgent secondment to couselling duties. It has come to the attention of HR that Q. and his new friend A Hedgehog appear to be forming an unfortunate relationship, contrary to Standing Orders. (Note: possible harassment issues - check with Legal)

Recommendations

Immediate appointment of an in-house Speech Therapist to work with Hoppy and Dacky to improve verbal management discontinuity issues (salary negotiable within range two to three hugs a day).

Confirmation of purchase of Senior Staff Limousine and special praises to be entered into responsible staff member's employee record.

Report Ends

This short humorous sketch about strategic staffing and senior officer transport review, recommendations and job vacancies is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this short staffing and senior officer transport review, recommendations and job vacancies humor story are really very fictitious (except Magdalene who, apparently, is not a figment of my imagination - she says, but do I believe her?) and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

No ownership over assets in photographs is claimed - please, I'm not reponsible.

It's just a bit of a staffing and corporate transport joke, you know, office humor, a bit funny haha, something vaguely resembling a stand up comedy, a humorous presentation or perhaps a haiku ... Please don't sue me ... Anyway, I'm skint so ya boo! :-)

"Whoopee Hugs are free!"

Staff Accommodation a Joke and Corporate Humor Laughable at Cafe Hopcott - report compiled by Rob Hopcott

2008-02-20T06:38:00.000-08:00

Following days of amazing growth in the number of visitors to Cafe Hopcott, due no doubt to the fame and popularity of Magdalene's wonderful cooking, the search is now on to upgrade corporate office and staff facilities in line with projected staff expansion.

Extensive investigation has identified state of the art corporate communications equipment to take Cafe Hopcott into the millennium with confidence. It is considered ideal, compact and rather a nice color and, of course, no expense has been spared.

Finding staff eating facilities and a boardroom table was more difficult but, after extensive research, and with the help of some rather expensive consultants, a healthy outdoor solution was identified.

Of course, transport is always needed to get caviar from the caviar farm and organic milk from the ... er, organic place.

Observant visitors will notice how cleverly, staff sleeping accommodation has also been incorporated into the transport to achieve asset multitasking in a multi-directional, eco-friendly solution that respects the need for staff options in case of leaks in the roof of the new staff accommodation envisaged below.

In the organic thingy place, a ready source of organic milk has been identified for the virtual smoothies and, in line with the corporate policy of asset multi tasking, the proprietors of the organic thingy place agreed to baby sit and be playmates for Q. when Hoppy is corporately otherwise engaged in bar maid research.

Finally, security has to be considered in this world or terrorism and banditry. and the Head of Security has virtually now been appointed and salary agreed.

It is with great happiness that I can now report Viking Warrior greatly enjoyed his three quick hugs as payment in advance for his first ten years in post!

Unfortunately, soon after the appointment was consummated, it was identified there was a need for corporate security offices. Whilst funds were running low at this moment in time - and also then - I am happy to report that the matter has now been resolved and security offices virtually found.

Staff will muster at 0800 hours sharp for corporate exercises and pike training!

That's all for now folks.

Remember the corporate battle cry - 'hugs are free!'

Bye for now

Rob

This short humorous sketch about staff accommodation and corporate humor is copyright Rob Hopcott 2008, all rights reserved.

All characters and places in this short staff accommodation humor story are really very fictitious and no reference is intended to any person or organization, living or otherwise.

No ownership over assets in photographs is claimed ... er, except the camper van (and you probably wouldn't want it - second gear is clapped out).

It's just a bit of an accommodation joke, you know, office humor, a bit funny haha, something vaguely resembling a stand up comedy, a humorous presentation or perhaps a haiku ... Please don't sue me ... Anyway, I'm skint so ya boo! :-)

"Whoopee Hugs are free!"

A new bell for Q., good breakfast guides, noodles and feeling sad

2008-02-17T05:50:00.000-08:00

When yours truly woke up on this sunny Sunday morning, he couldn't get out of his head a bell ringing tradition at a tennis club he once knew and so gave in to the writing urge to produce a short 100 word story entitled Tennis Bell Tolls.

Unfortunately, this started Q. feeling very sad because he was missing his bells.

Hoppy, not to be left out, immediately chimed in that he was missing his noodles.

So, always wanting to keep the peace on such a lovely sunny weekend, yours truly promised to put up a nice picture of a bell for Q.

Soon after, for some unfathomable reason, the local church started ringing its bells too, so Q is doubly happy and has gone off to play in the belfry of the church with the bats and the bells.

Hoppy is still bitching about his noodles. I mean, who eats noodles for breakfast?

Which made me wonder what do people eat for breakfast?

Oh dear, Hoppy has just started looking a bit flushed and over excited. I can't imagine what I might have written to provoke that!

Bye for now

Rob

Comments on Good Breakfast Guides or the whereabouts of Hoppy's noodles or any other matter, always welcome

Tunes and songs that drive you mad.

2008-02-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

Well, yours truly has bitten the bullet and admitted to being a humanist and an atheist. In consequence, Happy Hoppy will probably be a blackened, charred ex-Hoppy by the sun going down.

It was a Friday (oops, still is) and my brain wasn't working. I had all these hymns going around in my head driving me crazy. Does that ever happen to you?

So, since I couldn't stop thinking about God, religion, religious belief and church hymns, I decided to do my daily humor story on the subject and called it 'Suing God'.

Well, you never know, perhaps Hoppy won't be a charred mess by the end of the day. Perhaps God and his religious belief followers are better cooks than Hoppy and I'll just be nicely done.

Do you get tunes going around your head and, if so, how do you get rid of them? All suggestions welcome as comments below.

And, if your God has a plan for my termination later in the day, could you please have a word with him because I've been looking forward to playing tennis tonight :-)

I look forward to hearing about your ideas for getting tunes out of heads ... Pleeeeeez :-)

Bye for now

Rob

Valentine's Day Cafe Hopcott Poetry Challenge

2008-02-14T01:03:00.000-08:00

To celebrate St. Valentine's day, Cafe Hopcott is running an extra special, super sonic poetry challenge.

Why should proper poets have all the fun on Valentine's Day. As long as it's legal and decent, hit the send button and share your ditty.

And, even if words are temporarily eluding you - a problem your host Happy Hopcott has has never experienced - but you have some Valentines Day thoughts to share, let's hear them.

Bring your own coffee, tea or whatever - but we'll share our thoughts.

And to kick off the Cafe Hopcott Poetry Challenge, here is the humble offering from Happy Hoppy.

Roses are red and elephant grass is tall
Yo! Cafe Hopcotters, I love you all!

Who cares about the poetry expertise? Feel the emotion :-)

Bye for now

Rob

Welcome all to the new Cafe Hopcott, Rob's new centralised chat and discussion spot

2008-02-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

Today marks a change of direction for this blog. renamed Cafe Hopcott, it has now because the central chat and discussion area for people who wish that Rob didn't have so many blogs and who don't want to discuss a particular issue on a specially themed blog but just want to chill out and chat or discuss whatever comes into their mind or just say hello!

However, Cafe Hopcott will still contain Rob's thoughts and philosophies. Hey! Have you ever known it possible to keep Rob out of joining in a conversation?

But the most important persons on this blog are Rob's visitors, their comments and ideas i.e. you :-)

I look forward to hearing from you all.

Bye for now

Rob

Rural affordable housing - a simple solution

2008-01-29T03:18:00.000-08:00

Housing is an emotive issue in rural areas but a large part of the problem is that local working people cannot afford the housing that is available.

Many millions of pounds have been spent on rural regeneration but little has changed because the money has been spent on buildings and not the people who have the small businesses that provide the employment in rural areas.

Better paid jobs in rural areas would enable local people to compete successfully with town dwellers looking for a second home and solve the housing problem, at least in part.

Communication is often at the heart of boosting small businesses, improving their profitability and enabling them to afford more and better paid staff. Yet communication is often the most difficult thing to achieve amongst people who are widely spread or businesses driven to hide below the radar in rural homes by draconian business rates.

Bureaucracies hold the purse strings of rural regeneration grants. Sadly, they know little about growing small businesses and probably care even less. On the other hand, they understand capital projects such as building a new town hall or a marina, so that is where the money goes.

The local small businesses therefore struggle on, unaided. Their employees continue to receive poverty wages and the housing problem remains unsolved.

Ironically, the well paid town based grant awarding bureaucrats are vastly more able to afford rural housing in the form of second homes than the rural families and struggling small business owners and employees the bureaucrats are paid to help.

Bye for now

Rob Hopcott

GP Health Centre Service not working while Doctors drive around in posh cars

2008-01-20T05:47:00.000-08:00

What is it about local GP services these days? Every time I have anything to do with them, they seem to be getting less user friendly.

Can it be that now they are so rich with big pay rises they have no time for the mere mortals who need their help?

First of all they decided you can only speak to a doctor on the telephone, you can't actually see them, unless they decide you are particularly worthy of their attention.

Now, if you have your ears bunged up and can't hear a thing, you have to stay that way, suffering and saying 'eh' to all your friends and family for two weeks before the olive oil treatment they recommend to put in your ears works - if it works, the court is still out.

Frankly, the two days olive oil treatment we used to endure to soften the ear wax before syringing was bad enough. To have two weeks of it is horrible.

What's more, the last time I had an eye infection, the pharmacist told me, when I went to collect the prescription, that the doctor's prescription was the last thing I should stick in my eye and he phoned up the doctor to get a new and correct prescription.

I know somebody whose wife was diagnosed with seborrea dermatitis and prescribed something incredibly painful for her head which proceeded to get raw as if it had had boiling water poured on it. Only months later, after discomfort, pain, hair loss and anguish, angry calls to the GP service to see a (private) dermatologist resulted in the ailment being re-diagnosed as scalp psoriasis and proper medication provided that is now making the problem possible to live with.

Another friend at the tennis club had depression and was prescribed a course of treatment with a counsellor. It didn't do any good ... He's still depressing ... OK, that was a joke but no more than the fact that six sessions was the total sum of what the NHS would do for this guy until many more months had passed when the GP service would perhaps reconsider.

The doctors may love their new GP service, as they spend their hugely increased salaries and drive about their posh cars, but, judging on experiences I've come across, the patients don't.

Frankly, I did a straw poll at the tennis club and an awful lot of the tennis players are used to having their ears syringed to enable them to hear properly. If this dumb policy of rendering you deaf in one ear for two weeks expands to other GP services, they will be making a lot of noise indeed.

Probably even more noise that the tinnitus that I've now got screaming in my left ear - if that is possible!

I'm taking the rest of the day off. I can't work anymore because my left ear is driving me crazy.

Sorry, no humour today ... Blame it on the rubbish GP service and the NHS :-(

Bye for now

Rob

CO2 KO'd in my reduced carbon home

2008-01-15T01:01:00.000-08:00

I found my wife poring over a price comparison site for electricity and gas. She looked up and said:

"Look Rob, I think we can save 10% by switching to a new supplier."

I said, "Why not save lots more than that my switching off all the small bits of electric equipment that have transformers between the mains supply and the equipment."

Her eyes lit up as if I was talking dirty - perhaps I've finally found a way back to her heart.

Items we found were on all the time included:

two cordless telephones; not needed over night therefore eight hours saving
one TV digibox in the lounge probably only used two hours a day but always left on, therefore twenty two out of twenty four hours saving
a Sky TV box that could be switched off when not in use half the day at least
the broadband modem that is always on but which could certainly be switched off during hours of sleeping (eight hours out of twenty four)

The point about these savings was that we were getting no benefit out of keeping these devices on and they were burning electricity all the time they were on.

If you are in doubt about whether a device which has a transformer is using electricity, check if it is warm to the touch. All mine are which means that they are using up power.

Devices which may also have transformers include mobile phone chargers and laptop chargers and I'm sure there are many more that I haven't thought of.

So if you have a device that runs on a power supply different to the mains and uses a transformer, consider switching it off when not in use.

Here's the disclaimer. I'm not an electrician and you must always use your equipment in line with the instructions of the supplier. These are just suggestions as to how you may be able to save money, an avenue of enquiry you may like to check out as to feasibility.

Good luck and happy CO2 saving.

Bye for now

Rob

Whence bohemia?

Privacy Policy

2008-01-04T09:47:00.000-08:00

Privacy Policy

The privacy of our visitors to www.cafehopcott.com is important to us. At www.cafehopcott.com, we recognize that privacy of your personal information is important. Here is information on what types of personal information we receive and collect when you use visit www.cafehopcott.com, and how we safeguard your information. We never sell your personal information to third parties.

Log Files

As with most other websites, we collect and use the data contained in log files. The information in the log files include your IP (internet protocol) address, your ISP (internet service provider, such as AOL), the browser you used to visit our site (such as Internet Explorer or Firefox), the time you visited our site and which pages you visited throughout our site.

Cookies and Web Beacons

We do use cookies to store information, such as your personal preferences when you visit our site. This could include only showing you a popup once in your visit, or the ability to login to some of our features, such as forums.

We also use third party advertisements on www.cafehopcott.com to support our site. Some of these advertisers may use technology such as cookies and web beacons when they advertise on our site, which will also send these advertisers (such as Google through the Google AdSense program) information including your IP address, your ISP , the browser you used to visit our site, and in some cases, whether you have Flash installed. This is generally used for geotargeting purposes (showing Cavite real estate ads to someone in Philippines, for example) or showing certain ads based on specific sites visited (such as showing cooking ads to someone who frequents cooking sites).

You can chose to disable or selectively turn off our cookies or third-party cookies in your browser settings, or by managing preferences in programs such as Norton Internet Security. However, this can affect how you are able to interact with our site as well as other websites. This could include the inability to login to services or programs, such as logging into forums or accounts.

Which is more important people or places? Network more or become an expat?

2007-12-30T07:04:00.000-08:00

Are people and what they do more important than places where they live? I'd like your opinion.

Or would moving to another country really make a grumpy old man (for example me!) happier?

Confused? All right I'll explain a bit more.

For as long as I can remember, I have been saying that people are more important than places.

Instead of admiring the architecture in some far away place, I would rather mingle with the locals and find out what it is really like to live in this place or that.

When Channel 4 TV program 'A Place in the Sun' comes on, I don't want to ogle yet another boring bedroom carefully presented for viewing or an ideal cellar ripe for conversion to a games room.

Instead, I want to know whether there is a tennis court nearby and whether they play folk music in the nearby pub or bar.

To me, how people spend their day, the things they talk about and the ways they spend their time is more important than living in France or Ecuador.

So why do I yearn to find the perfect place to live instead of England where living costs next to nothing, the climate is good and the senoritas dance all night?

I'd love to have your opinion and if you have a place you would like to live instead of where you are, spill the beans.

Is the world of expat land out there greener?

Thanks in advance

Rob

(online author - fiction - news)

Free online novel / novellla about recession

2007-12-17T05:45:00.000-08:00

As the credit crunch starts to bite around the world, people are once again wondering how they can survive the downturn.

Sarah's Price, my free online thriller novel / novella was written during the recession of the 90s. It seems that, since then, little has changed.

It's a free online novel, so it won't contribute to anybodies debt - except perhaps mine :-)

I hope you enjoy Sarah's Price.

Bye for now.

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online author - fiction - news - philanthropy)

Copyright Rob Hopcott 2007, all rights reserved. All characters and places in this free online novel or novella Sarah's Price and other free on-line humor, short stories, flash fictions, micro-fictions, sudden fictions, post card fictions or very short stories referred to by this site, are fictitious and no reference is intended to any person living or otherwise.

Postcard stories and microfictions from Rob Hopcott

2007-12-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

It is wonderful to report that there has been an upsurge in the popularity of my free online flash fiction stories site.

Each day, I try to add a new story and the genres have varied widely from romance stories through to science fiction, always with a smattering of humour.

I like my stories to have a theme and the themes have been equally varied from global warming and climate change to infidelity and lost relationships.

Today's extremely short story, which fits well within the genre of postcard fiction at around two hundred and fifty words, is on the subject of death, bereavement, grief and grieving.

It is called Time to say good-bye but not to cry. I hope you enjoy it.

Bye for now

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online author - fiction - news - philanthropy)

How to survive death and dying

2007-10-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

I recently came across a wonderful site based in New Zealand which is all about the process of dying and which offers help for those who have to deal with death and dying.

The site is run by a wonderful lady called Lynda Hannah and is called Living Legacies.

It describes itself as:

a natural funeral company which has an innovative, sustainable and celebratory approach to life, death and funerals.

Lynda Hannah's site has many words of wisdom and offers an amazingly caring approach to supporting people through their grieving process.

Without a doubt, Living Legacies gets the Hopcott High Five for Caring.

We all probably try to avoid thinking about death and dying. But as I get older and more people are inevitably dying around me dealing with grief becomes more frequently necessary.

My mum died a couple of years ago and coping with her death was much harder than I expected.

I think, if I had known about Lynda's web site at the time, it would perhaps have been easier to cope with the death of my mother.

Finally, I found a way to live with the pain of my mother's death.

But I think it would have been easier with the help of Lynda's Living Legacies site.

Bye for now

Rob

I still hate Thatcher T Shirt reminds of 1990s Tory recession

2007-08-10T05:38:00.000-07:00

“I still hate Thatcher” displayed in large print on a white t-shirt at an otherwise happy music festival last week publicly demonstrated how the pain from the 80s and the early 90s UK Tory economic meltdown still lingers on for some.

Speaking personally, the economic crashes of the 90s lost me everything I’d saved and worked for over the previous 20 years so I well understood the anger of the middle aged man who wore the t-shirt.

Read full article about the 'I still hate Thatcher T Shirt' which is an article about anger management

Bye for now

Rob

News of Rob's articles and stories

Rivetting author domain name for campervan

2007-07-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Getting readers is an online author's life blood and most of us on line authors would go to almost any length to grab a whole host of readers. Well almost!

We read articles on SEO. We learn tips about how to write better. We edit. We re-write. We slave away.

Yet, despite all our efforts, even our best and most creative writing seems to achieve little exposure to the masses who, all too often, just pass our creative writing by.

Here's my latest idea of how to get more readers, honed to perfection by a weeks worth of sleepless nights :-)

Forget search engines, directories, forums, on-line communities.

Find a busy (real world) road, park a campervan with a prominent URL displaying a catchy hook domain name and set about writing your articles, short stories or novels for all to read online at the domain advertised on your camper van. (I suppose a car would do just as well but you can get bigger lettering on a camper van and also make cups of tea when you need inspiration).

So what wold be a truly attention grabbing URL that would persuade passing motorists to type it in when they get home?

Well here is where things get really interesting!

Scarily, when you are standing by the side of the road or peeking out from behind the curtains of your campervan, you are looking at your audience and they are immensely variegated.

What would interest the boiler suited man in the white Ford Transit? Would the gimlet eyed lady in the Subaru want something different? How about that attractive young mum in the SUV, with her long flowing blond hair and five screaming kids? Yikes! What about the kids?

Worst still, how many of them actually read online short stories, online novels, online novellas, online mysteries, online romance, online science fiction or online creative writing of any sort?

Suddenly, the mind boggling complexity of satisfying the reading needs of the unwashed general public seems to take on mountainous proportions.

The domain name, too, needs to reflect the writing that is being offered. Yet the domain name also needs to be as inviting to all prospective readers as a general purpose bar of chocolate.

Horrifyingly, you might come to the conclusion that your writing challenge has just been altered.

Instead of continuing your life long search for traffic for your brilliant article or exciting piece of creative writing, the name of the game has suddenly become to find something that will really be of interest to Joe or Joanna Public. Truly scary!

So what about me?

Well, I'm off to have a look at those people driving along ... To see if they can give me some inspiration.

If you can think of a really great domain name or adverting hook for an author to put on his camping van to pull in the readers, I'd love to hear your suggestion below as a comment.

I'm off now to see my public ... And I may be a while!

Rob

(online author)

Writing hints for creating and writing intriguing characters with secrets and personalities

2007-05-22T08:48:00.000-07:00

Stories are about secrets. We all have them. Secret dreams, fantasies, hopes and sometimes even desires. Occasionally a dream becomes reality and then maybe there are a million reasons for not telling anybody about it.

Think of somebody you know. What is it that describes them most? Is it their job? Is it the way they speak? Are they a stereotype?

Unlikely - we are all individuals with complex personalities and secrets. Tell a few of the secrets about a character and you have their personality!

Perhaps they are defensive inside and therefore always seek to look well dressed. Character reveals itself in their clothes, in the places they go and in the friends they choose.

When your characters are created, carry out the following audit:

Do your characters emerge through dialogue?

Have you chosen the right central character?

Can the readers identify with the characters?

Are there too many characters for the reader to follow easily?

Are main characters too shallow?

Would greater immediacy be created by using first person instead of third person?

Creating a new character is like finding a new friend. Carry your main characters with you and enjoy being with them. Learn their nuances and secrets in your daily life.

Talk to them. Ask them: ‘How do you feel about this situation?’ Consider whether to write to them ‘wish you were here’ when you go on holiday.

Don’t be afraid to make your characters real with boils, bumps, anxieties and dreams. After all, you are an author and they are your creations and if you don’t want their company, why should the reader?

The heart of any good story is memorable characters. Readers love them and the more they like your characters and characterisation, the more they will form a relationship with you and enjoy your stories.

And when you do create the perfect character or characterisation, enjoy them. Greet them as friends, for they will now be with you for always.

Congratulate yourself because your characters through your expert characterisation will now have a life of their own and that is sure to give you and your readers great pleasure.

Then get down to writing about them. Give them their chance to live on the pages of your short stories or novels!

More about writing great fiction

UK Government's gamble on benefits of gambling to gamblers distinctly dubious

2007-05-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

The UK Government's gamble on the benefits of gambling to gamblers and their families seems hard to support.

Members of Parliament (MPs) who supported the recent Gambling Act 2005 to liberalise (promote) gambling should search their conscience now and answer the following questions.

What good does gambling do in our society?
Does it nourish, feed or make our society better?
Do those who gamble feel better afterwards?
Do the families of gamblers look forward to their fathers or mothers spending the family money gambling?
Is the total sum of happiness in our society improved by gambling?

What do you think? Has gambling ever kept it's promise to you that you will win?

What other questions about the benefits of gambling would you like your legislators to answer?

Rob

Crops, UK National Park Authorities and global warming

2007-04-25T01:57:00.000-07:00

It seems that all crops are not equal in the eyes of UK National Park Authorities, at least judging from the National Park Authority local to me.

It was with sadness that I noticed in my local newspaper that my local National Park Authority had refused permission for a farmer to grow elephant grass as a biofuel crop. Reasons given included the need for caution, more time to create a detailed control policy and, apparently, elephant grass was not very nice to look at anyway and not in keeping with the traditional local countryside.

Indeed, I was quite surprised that anybody could tell a farmer what he could or could not grow.

Read full article about Crops, UK National Park Authorities and global warming

Bye for now

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online writer who believes, if it grows and it's green, it's not half bad!)

Webbers Post Exmoor Somerset UK - Rural wood carvings

2007-04-18T04:03:00.000-07:00

It was lunchtime and I was feeling frustrated having spent all morning sitting in my driveway uploaded the articles I'd written the previous Friday from my camper van via my wireless link into the Internet connection in my home.

This was not the way it was supposed to be. Uploading was only supposed to take half an hour and then I would be free to wend my way into the countryside and find somewhere nice to sit and write my next batch of articles. I must find some ways to speed the process up or, perhaps, do the uploading at the end of the day.

However, I reflected that lunch times are for getting out, taking a walk and relieving the frustrations and tensions created by the morning's hard work. So I pulled out of my drive and headed for Dunkery Beacon with my sandwiches and flask of coffee to where I knew I could find some very pleasant wood carvings amongst the trees at Webber's Post.

Short story about anime and animation entitled 'Animated Friends' by Rob Hopcott

2007-04-12T02:29:00.000-07:00

The gleaming saxophone animation appears prettily before me on my screen glinting brightly. She exists, she is perfect, she is anime and she is my creation. She looks to the left and then to the right nonchalantly .

All around me, the office is silent. The other animation workstations are dark and, outside the skyscraper offices where I work, the early evening traffic is humming with people returning home.

Read the full short story 'Animated Friends' by Rob Hopcott

Can gambling advertising guidelines prevent damage to vulnerable by UK Gambling Act 2005 liberalisation?

2007-04-12T01:44:00.000-07:00

Guidelines have just been issued seeking to mitigate damage done to vulnerable persons by the liberalisation of gambling under the UK Gambling Act 2005.

Many who saw the liberalisation of gambling under the Gambling Act 2005 as a measure that encouraged a fundamentally harmful activity, will doubt whether these advertising guidelines can be effective.

Even though advertising professionals are past masters at targeting specific groups of people, the reality of advertising an activity to any part of the population is that the activity inevitably will be promoted to the wider population as well.

Read full article about advertising guidelines prevent damage to vulnerable by UK Gambling Act 2005 liberalization?

Creative flu or short stories that keep nagging to be written

2007-04-05T02:51:00.000-07:00

Creative fiction short stories are rather like colds or flu. They'll bug you until you have a good sneeze and let them out.

I've had a science fiction (SF) short story that's been nagging me to be written for something like three years now. You know the sort of thing. Somebody tells you about a story they've written and, ping, your mind conjures up a variation.

Like a cold that needs to break, this SF short story keeps niggling me and wanting to come out.

Problem is I don't write Sci Fi and don't particularly want to.

While this short Sci-Fi story has been nagging me, I've written lots of other fictional stories so it isn't a question of writer's block or anything like that.

Maybe I'm just a stubborn old *** that doesn't like to be pushed around.

Here's the real rub. It's now been joined by another short story that also want to get into print.

Aaaaeghhh! They're ganging up on me!

It's a romantic Thomas Crown Affair chess short horror story ... You know the sort of thing. Lots of sultry eye contact while chess pieces are moved about the chess board like the hero and heroine want to manipulate each other. It's got a twist that makes it a bit different and a touch of horror. But I'm not sure how different it would be so that's perhaps why I don't want to write it.

What about a short story about a short story writer driven mad by a plague of creative short story ideas that won't leave him alone.

Oh no! Not another!

Perhaps I should just sneeze, give in and go down with a really good dose of creative flu and get it over with ...

But how long would the respite last? There are so many creativity germs about.

Bye for now

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online author all bunged up with creative writing flu)

Bubbling with creativity - short story author Seamus Kearney

2007-04-05T02:07:00.000-07:00

Google alerts are really a useful way to keep up to date with topics of particular interest and my 'short story' alert's latest success is Seamus Kearney.

Living in France, he is currently a 38-year-old New Zealand-Irish journalist who writes online prolifically.

Most authors only offer small amounts of creative writing on their sites as a taster for their main activity of trying to sell their hard copy.

Seamus Kearney is the exception and offers lots of short stories and poems on his three sites Shameless Words, Shameless Fiction and Shameless Poems.

Well worth a visit!

Bye for now

Rob
(Rob Hopcott - online author and envious of anybody who lives in France)

Writing short stories is a smelly and noisy business

2007-04-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a post by Betsy Dornbusch about authors trimming word count being the single most important thing to improve a short story.

For me, movement is the key.

'She lunged forward, eyes wide' asks questions immediately about why, purpose and her inner tension.

Smell and sound also precipitate action.

'The acrid smell of burned flesh ...'

'The smell of freshly baked bread wafted through the window ... ' makes us look inside to see what else is happening in the kitchen.

Action moves story along in an environment populated by smells and sounds.

Smells and sounds stimulates characters reaction.

In many ways, sight is what the reader provides from their own personal library. We just have to tap into it.

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online author and big on smelliness)

Fictional characters on the Internet rule OK

2007-03-29T01:39:00.000-07:00

As a follow up to my earlier comments about online novel characters, I noticed today that Uncle Crappy has documented occurrences of his name on the Internet with some surprising results.

In my earlier article, I discussed how the UK Government is busy trying to build up a consolidated database file on everybody and are pressing hard for ID cards and the such like which they claim will combat terrorism.

As an online author, with lots of fictional characters in my online short stories and online novels, I wondered if the Government has got files on all of them too. After all, the Government collects information from any source they can and probably lots of it is done by fairly mindless supercomputers, which quite possibly are also roaming the Internet.

Maybe there are even more records on Uncle Crappy than he is allowed to see .......

Rob

(Online author and admirer of creative characters who are brave enough to live the part)

10 Downing Street petition requiring UK elected paid Local Government Councillors to reply to reasoned emails and letters from constituents

2007-03-27T02:58:00.000-07:00

I'm completely fed up with Local Government Councillors who consistently do not reply to my communications. In desperation, I have set up a petition on the 10 Downing Street site to try to get something done about this ridiculous state of affairs.

The petition I submitted requests the Prime Minister to:

Require elected paid Local Government Councillors to reply to reasonable communications from constituents

The supporting narrative is as follows:

Elected local Councillors frequently do not reply to reasonable communications from their constituents regarding questions of Local Government policy.

A system of Official Public Local Government Forums must be set up to enable Local Authority constituents to publicly question Local Government Councillor’s about their policies and in which the Councillors will be legally required to make a written and reasoned reply.

A parallel system of email addresses must be set up for communications of a private nature to which there will also be a legal requirement for the Local Government Councillors to reply.

By opening questions of Local Government policy to forensic local public discussion, the quality of decisions made by Local Government Councillors on behalf of their constituents will be improved.

The individual quality of Local Government Councillors will be better audited by constituents enabling better voting decisions to be made during Local Elections.

Anger and frustration constituents feel when they spend time researching issues and composing carefully written communications to which they do not receive any reply will be eliminated.

It's not just me that's fed up with the ruling Tories in my Local Government Authority. Recently, the Chairman of the local Chamber of Commerce complained in a letter to the local newspaper that he hadn’t received replies to round robin policy questions he'd put to ruling party Conservative Councillors.

The exception he said was one Councillor who wrote to say that they weren't allowed to reply to his question because they were on a committee that made it against the rules for them to reply to his questions.

Please sign this petition. It is the single best way to make paid Local Government Councillors accountable for the policies they support.

Thanks

Bye for now

Rob

Has the Grim Reaper got a Laptop? Death, short stories and online authors.

2007-03-23T08:58:00.000-07:00

Whilst reading the thoughts of Grumpy Old Bookman, in particular his notes about the point or pointlessness of writing online, a thought crossed my increasingly senile mind.

When the Grim (Happy?) Reaper takes all us authors off into the unlimited blue, I wonder how long our online short stories, online novels, online novellas and ramblings will last?

Perhaps quite a long time. Maybe, given a bit of judicious will writing to ensure the continued payment of web space and domain fees, it is possible that just a tiny bit of immortality could be won.

After all, gravestones can be dug up in favour of future new housing blocks all too easily.

But the Internet is vast and, in a way, could be timeless. The cost of keeping our stories online is low and there is always the possibility that our stories may be passed from hand to hand virally through pdf files and the like so there is a real chance that our stories could be read for ever.

Personally, I quite like reading my old stories sometimes. For some strange reason, they are exactly the type of stories I like.

So I wonder if the Grim Reaper has a laptop?

Bye for now

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - free online author - feeling old)

P.S. Hey, Mr Grim Reaper Sir ... I'm not ready yet :-) :-) :-)

Honest!

Aaaaaaaaarghhh ...

Online novel characters

2007-03-15T03:28:00.000-07:00

I just read an interesting article about fictional blogs where the character writing the blog is fictional or spoofed.

As a keen author who is trying to increase his writing online as much as possible, the thought of creating a fictional universe outside the strict constraints of a storyline was compelling. Imagining yourself as a character and then create an online world around yourself sounds great.

I wonder what problems could be created by all the identity issues that are becoming so depressingly prevalent these days.

In the UK, the government clearly wants to introduce identity cards as rapidly as possible and develop a database of information about each of us in huge detail. Are they going to pick up author's pseudonyms and build databases of information about those too?

Imagination is fun. It allows the spirit to soar and become free. The world will be the poorer if online author's ability to create is diminished.

Bye for now

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online author and laissez faire liberal)

New Year music resolution is to use new campervan to visit more UK and West County folk sessions and folk festivals

2007-02-07T05:28:00.000-08:00

Brilliant news! I now have my new (pre-owned) campervan / small motorhome with which I intend to visit new instrumental folk music playing sessions and festivals this year.

It's an old Ford Transit campervan which is white with blue flashes. Despite being an 'L' registration, it's in good condition for it's age and I certainly intend to treat it with all the tender love and care I would give to any of my ... well ... instruments :-)

Hopefully, getting to lots more pub jamming folk sessions and festival sessions will enable me to record lots of new info about folk sessions around and about in the West of England, UK.

If anybody knows of a good session that would welcome an additional musician and where there is (preferably free) overnight parking, I would love to hear of it.

Bye for now

Rob

(Rob Hopcott - online author and musician)

Evil spirits to be shot in West Somerset, UK tradition at the Butchers Arms wassailing

2007-01-15T09:58:00.000-08:00

On the 17th January 2007, there will be a traditional wassailing folk music playing session at Butchers Arms, Carhampton, West Somerset, UK with cider soaked toast (but that’s for the apple trees), shooting (that’s at the evil spirits in the apple trees) and singing the Wassailing song (which is for the entertainment of the apple trees).

See you there or more info about West Somerset traditions (with podcast) from Wassailing in West Somerset

Free podcasts now available for short stories as Rob Hopcott introduces podcasting

2007-01-10T10:36:00.000-08:00

The holy grail for authors is finding new sources of readers for their stories.

I’ve been wanting to check out podcasting for a while as it seems to be growing in popularity everywhere. The wonderful news is that it appears to be relatively easy to implement. My first effort is to pod cast my Christmas short story for 2006 entitled Three Christmas lovers.

Over the next few weeks, I will be podcasting lots of my short story content and hopefully some of my novels and novellas.

I hope to see you back listening to them :-)

Bye for now

Rob

Reels, jigs, polkas and sea shanties welcome new year folk music cheer for elderly residents at Dunster Lodge Residential Home in Minehead, Exmoor, UK

2007-01-08T02:04:00.000-08:00

I always very much enjoy playing music for the elderly at rest homes or nursing homes so when I got the invitation from a folk musician friend, whose mother had just moved into the Dunster Lodge Residential Home, West Somerset, to welcome in the new year with some folk music, I leaped at the opportunity.

We had a wonderful afternoon playing jigs, reels, polkas, sea shanties and more. Read all about it at Dunster Lodge Residential Home in Minehead, Somerset, UK

Traditional folk music, Sugan (Súgán) Celtic furniture and a happy new year

2007-01-05T05:33:00.000-08:00

It’s amazing the different people you meet at traditional folk music sessions.

On New Year’s Eve, I decided to visit old haunts at the Pennymoor Singaround in the glorious UK West Country and see my Devon friends on the traditional English and Irish folk musician scene.

I had a great time but also discovered a local Devon Bluegrass Music session and a fascinating local Somerset craftsman who makes traditional Sugan (Súgán) Celtic furniture.

Bye for now

Rob

To cheat or not to cheat with ex-lover, that is the question in romantic free online long fiction story romance Forgotten Flame by Rob Hopcott

2006-12-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

Cheating with ex-lover would be easy for Alice but should she threaten her secure marriage. This is the question that demands an answer in the romantic free online long fiction story romance Forgotten Flame by Rob Hopcott.

When Alice hears from a forgotten ex-lover, she knows that her married life may never again be the same.

First, she must decide if it is safe to reply. Secondly, she must resolve the question about whether to meet her ex lover in person. Thirdly, she must decide if she can withstand his charms and withstand the temptation to be unfaithful.

To Alice, an ordinary housewife, cheating and infidelity don't come easily. Can she stand strong against the supreme charms of her exlover and the temptation to cheat or will infidelity prevail.

If you are looking for a nice gentle romantic read for an office lunch break, coffee break, tea break or just as a diversion from the daily grind, Forgotten Flame by Rob Hopcott is likely to appeal.

For more free reading, here is a complete list of fiction stories by Rob Hopcott.

Bye for now and merry Christmas and a happy, prosperous and safe new year :-)

Rob

Start reading Forgotten Flame by Rob Hopcott

Nationwide UK environmentally friendly transport network policy unleashed

2006-12-19T07:01:00.000-08:00

In the UK, Britain’s biggest supermarket chain, Tesco has just announced that bio-fuels are to be used to create a nationwide environmentally friendly distribution network.

Read about the new nationwide environmentally friendly distribution network.

I'll support the small guy to my last breath but this new saving the planet policy to use biodiesel by Tesco really rocks :-)

Bye for now

Rob

Traditional Christmas music and traditional folk music at local Minehead, Somerset, West Country, day care centre

2006-12-19T02:59:00.000-08:00

Christmas got under way with a bash and a bang when I attended to play some Christmas and traditional folk music at the local Minehead, Somerset, UK, local day care centre.

Great music with some fine local musicians in a caring and Christmassy environment.

Read about Christmas and traditional folk tunes at day care centre.

A sensual Christmas present for someone

2006-12-11T09:24:00.000-08:00

If you’re looking for a scrumptious literary Christmas book to read, try Blackberry Wine by Joanne Harris.

Read my review of ‘Blackberry Wine’ by Joanne Harris.

Now your taste buds for blackberries have been stimulated, take a look at ‘Blackberry Jam‘ by Donna Teller (free online short story). It’s sad, whimsical and has charm.

Bye for now

Rob

'Three Christmas Lovers' is an atmospheric rural dating story for Christmas 2006 from stories by Rob Hopcott

2006-12-11T06:23:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2006 is here ALREADY! Where did the year go? Here's my 2006 Christmas story. It's called Three Christmas Lovers. I hope you enjoy it :-)

To all my friends around the world to whom I haven't sent a Christmas card (which is everybody), I really hope you enjoy the Christmas story and have a happy, prosperous and safe new year.

Merry Xmas 2006

Rob

Minehead Tennis Club C Team vs Congresbury Tennis Club

2006-12-11T03:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it rained throughout the tennis match between Minehead Tennis Club C team and Congresbury Tennis Club, which was played on the home courts of Minehead Tennis Club, West Somerset, England.

Today, my body is aching but no more neck problems :-)

Read full account of this hard fought tennis battle in the winter league.

Welcome to my new daily blog

2006-12-11T01:49:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my new daily online magazine blog.

Here I will post reviews of ideas, discussion and philosophy on a wide range of subjects.

My thoughts, researches, writings and opinions are spread quite widely around the Internet. This will be the place where I bring it all together and, in some cases, review the reviews.

I hope you enjoy and are stimulated by my tiny corner of the web and will return often using the excellent technology of RSS.